im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
