who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
