why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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