ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
What a dumb baby whore.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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