his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
