You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
