she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
