You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
