dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
