I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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