This dress was meant to end up on your floor
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
