i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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