nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i think i have two assholes
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
