I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
