i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
