She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
