Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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