Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
My underwear smells like fireworks.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i came on her dog
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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