It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
i've created a new STD.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
