I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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