I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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