I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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