yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
