you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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