Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
