I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
