So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
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