Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
