Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Randomize
