I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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