Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Never underestimate the power of titties
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
