It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
