You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
