:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
