Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
