Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
