I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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