honey bunches of taint.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
