Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
