similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
