dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
