worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
