got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
