I wanna passion pit in your ass
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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