U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
