I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
