I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
