are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
