i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
