Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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