I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
