Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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