My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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