awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
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