If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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