did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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