I hate all girls vehemently.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
