STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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