Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
