At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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