remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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