It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
