I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
