Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
In America we eat man semen.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
