Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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